be called children of God! And we are.
Thank You for Mom listening to and loving her kind of music in the iShuffle. What a joy to watch and listen to as she tells me stories from her past!
Thank You for Mom listening to and loving her kind of music in the iShuffle. What a joy to watch and listen to as she tells me stories from her past!
I am 64. When did this all change and when did I allow fears, responsibilities, irritable issues to interfere with my ability to be a child at least once in a while? ~ fourteen and a half years of care giving, Mom’s ever-increasing dementia and physical concerns, fear of Mom dying while I am away, fear of her living longer and longer, losing so much of herself with each year; old tapes playing in my head from when Daddy would travel with the Navy to be a part of the Manhattan Project tests, or as the Navy physician to the Secretary of the Navy and the Surgeon General of the USA – he would ask me, his eldest, to “take care of your Mommy and sisters for me while I am away”…an innocent request, I believe, but one I took seriously, and then he died when I was one month from 13, and that request became ingrained in me for he never came back. There have been financial concerns (not trusting in God’s steadfast provision), a sister’s false accusations that hurt so very deeply. Plus, I have fallen a number of times, have aches and pains from spinal issues and from fibromyalgia, and then have had three surgeries since last May. I also watch and read some news where wars, famine, politics, greed, and all else cross my vision or filter through my ears and touch my heart and soul, becoming stressed by most of it, or become so disappointed by the way others treat one another, or feel such a heart for the people of this world and nation. I feel worn out and weary. Play does not seem to fit into my way-of-being these days.
YET…God is calling me to spend time with Him…more time. He wants me near…nearer still. He desires my company…more of it. I thought, while I was recuperating from surgeries, I would have so much time that I would be able to spend more time with my God. Yet, the pain, the therapy, the recovery, the stress just sent me running in anguish to the farthest corner. It was not the way I had hoped. I wanted to sit at His feet, to be near. I wanted to seek His face. I desired the closeness He wanted with me.
I picked up L. L. Barkat’s book, God in the Yard, again, and journaled the many questions throughout the fifth chapter, “Sky: Gratitude”. Laura says on page 47: “Spiritual exchange, a rhythm of give-and-take with God and others, that is both based on and produces gratitude is not something we can easily practice. At least in my life, making lists of what I’m thankful for doesn’t necessarily create the requisite openness and trust. These attributes require deeper soul work, of the kind we’ve been exploring.” I do make lists and they do remind me of the daily, ever-present gifts from God. But, I seem to be unable to find that openness and trust that children have in their earliest years with only a list. I need to regain the sweet relationship I have with the LORD, that relationship that has slowly gravitated away. As I neared the end of chapter five, I happened upon the real eye-openers for me: I was to make (or draw) a house with openings…doors and windows. Then I was to cover them up with complaints, including fears, anything that caused irritability or jealousy. I did this. I was surprised at most of my answers.
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From “The Treasury of David” by C. H. Spurgeon:
God gives efficacy to medicine for the body, and his grace sanctifies the soul. Spiritually we are daily under his care, and he visits us, as the surgeon does his patient; healing still (for that is the exact word) each malady as it arises. No disease of our soul baffles his skill, he goes on healing all, and he will do so till the last trace of taint has gone from our nature. The two alls of this verse are further reasons for all that is within us praising the Lord.
(Treasury of David)