I continue to be woven by the hands of God through all of life’s circumstances, events, conversations, precious time spent with my husband. God is so merciful. He allows hard, yet quilts it with the downy feathers or soft rabbit fur as for a nest. He gives us His grace in portions, some small, some huge. He is so fine and so beautiful.
As many know from my last post, my husband, of almost 25 years, has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. He has chosen to be under hospice care, and to be ushered into Heaven in God’s perfect timing. Kenneth served in the U.S. Army 101st Airborne Infantry Division during the Vietnam War. He was exposed to Agent Orange which could very well be the cause of this cancer. Life is fragile any day and especially when one fights in a war. We see affects today with our soldiers coming home from Iraq, Afghanistan, and so many other places these days. There are prices paid when one serves this country in the Armed Services.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them. Psalm 139:13-16
God created each one of us. He made these bodies so magnificently…just think about the mechanics of all of the working parts, the symmetry between those parts, and the details of each part…the skin, the heart, the eyes, and all. We have been built by The Master Craftsman, Architect, Creator….The Master Weaver.
My husband’s already frail body has a cancer. He has chosen not to fight it for many of his own reasons, but the real reason is God. He is calling him Home. Each night, while in the hospital, God came. He would be there with Kenneth in the quiet, in the dark. Kenneth knew and waited, listened, believed. On the surface, Kenneth was there in the hospital waiting for answers from the doctors. In the depths, the real answers were coming from the LORD.
I saw Christ in Kenneth more clearly each morning when I came to visit. I was affected dearly by what was happening to my husband.
We have been home from Houston for about six weeks. Kenneth and I are continuing to feel God’s Peace and, now, His purposes for us. We have new mornings for which to be grateful. We share precious time together.
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:22-26
We are more in love than when we got married which is hard to imagine. We were so crazy in love 25 years ago. We are growing in the LORD each and every day, growing closer to one another too.
Kenneth has begun teaching me things I will need to know when I am a widow. (Yes, that is hard to write, think, say, yet, unless God has a miracle in store, I am headed that way.) He is working on small projects as he is able so as to make things better for me. He is so delighted to have these tasks to do, not only for me, but to give him purpose for each day. He came home to die, yet only God knows the number of days for Kenneth. To while away the unknown number of days sitting around or lying in bed is not good for the soul…if one can help it. Purpose of heart, purpose of mind, purpose of being are vitally important for life. Kenneth is very much alive today. He is being held by God. I am in His arms as well. Each day is a learning experience and one not to be missed. Our eyes, ears, and hearts are wide open for this time.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
[A time for EVERY PURPOSE under Heaven…we are living this right now…right now on earth…under Heaven. Thank You, LORD.]
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew; A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Beautiful words to embrace.
Our time together is precious. We do not know the number of days. We only know that This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. [Psalm 118:24] Today is the day to be God’s creations together. He is giving us daily gifts. When Kenneth’s days are up, I will truly be sad; I will miss him so. He is so good to and for me. God blessed me with this man. So we take today. Today is holy ground.
Then He said, “Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.” Exodus 3:5
God could also bring a miracle. And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
Father, I lift my voice: “Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You for help,
When I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.” [Psalm 28:2] …the innermost place of Your sanctuary. Father, You have given Kenneth such insight, love, and kindness. He shares it with me and I am so blessed. Thank You, LORD. I pray Your watch-care over him every day, all day. Hold me close and never let me go. EVER, Abba Father. I ask You to guard my heart. Guide me upon Your path for my life. I thank You for loving us so. Thank You for giving us these many years together. And should there be more, I thank You and praise You now. As we have been praying all along, LORD, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. I pray in the Name of Your Son, my Savior and LORD. Amen.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11